June 2013
if a 99 pound person eats 1 pound of nachos that person is 1% nacho
twas late in the night and all through the house
not a creature was stirring, only the scroll of my mouse
one time when i was younger i had some of that no tears shampoo and i wanted to see if it was legit so when i was in the shower i squirted it into my eye and i think i went blind for like three days
i think you may be a bit retarded because no tears meant like no tears in your hair; no tangles….
Please tell me I’m not the only one who thought no tears as in crying too
MY LIFE IS A LIE
NO
well
don’t be friends with seniors because they will graduate and leave you and it’ll suck
DON’T BE FRIENDS WITH UNDERCLASSMEN BECAUSE YOU WILL HAVE TO LEAVE THEM AND IT WILL SUCK
don’t be friends with seniors if you’re a senior because they’ll go to a different college than you and it will suck
dont make friends
glad we sorted that out guys
- Girl: *adjusts bra strap*
- School: That's inappropriate and distracting.
- Boy: *sits with legs spread apart, scratches balls, has underwear visible, takes off sweatshirt and reveals half of torso in the process*
- School: lol you're good.
If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife
my cousin just tweeted “what if 11:11 wishes don’t come true because someone in the world wished they didnt” and now i am speechless
Someone should pull a prank on Justin Bieber where he goes somewhere crowded and they hire a bunch of teenage girls to pretend they don’t know who he is and just see how pissed off he gets
- Me during the entire months of summer: sleep, eat, television, video games, don't see sunlight for 3 days
- Everyone else in one day of summer: went to the moon, fell in love, traveled to france, met obama, kissed lance bass, starred in a porn, got a tattoo, rode a giraffe
“I love that moment. When you’re on a long car ride, or listening to music, or reading. And you completely zone out. You forget your troubles, and everyone around you. You’re focused on that one thing, and that one thing only. You’re content, and everything seems peaceful.”
—(via thelovewhisperer)
May 2013
i wish i had a super tight-knit group of friends that i fought crime with
i wish i had a super tight-knit group of friends that i committed crimes with
i wish i had a super tight group of criminals that i knitted with
I wish I had tights
every once in a while i check up on people i hate to make sure i still hate them
i do
